After watching My Mad Fat Diary, Which took me back to my high school years. back when I used to be a tomboy, didn’t talk to many people, felt like chopping away at my fat, thinking I am the most horrible looking person in the world. Hating my body, crying at night because no one loved me. Over eating or not eating at all and then still feeling like a failure,
My family and “friends” criticizing the way i look, never being much help at all.
Watching this show brought back all those memories and I cried like a baby remembering all of this.
There is a line when Rae the main girl is narrating about her scars on her thighs where she would cut herself when she broke down and she was rushed to the hospital and it said something like “The doctor’s looked at my legs & said. Didn’t it hurt? Didn”t it hurt soo much when you where doing it that it burnt to breathe?”” At least they remind me that I’ve survived…but only just”
All my scars are reminder of what I have survived. Making it another year… and it makes me proud to see how far I have come, I am still not 100% at peace with my body. I sometimes hate the way I look from pictures taken by other people, sometimes I hate when my fat rolls on top of my jeans, or that sometimes my belly sticks out too much.
But sometimes I love my curves, my scars, my stomach. I know it’s going to take time to change my mindset, heck I have been changing it for years "how many times do i have to say it till i start believing it?"- Rae "I believe it’s a life long project" - Kester.
It might be a life long thing. But I am surely getting better each day. Loving a bit of myself one pound at a time. I love this show and It definitely impacted my life. And I know I am not the only one out there.
This is my body. I can’t do anything with it except learn to love it.
and I am excited for that day to come. =)